Not My Child! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what hers and everyone else's children have not done.

In the meantime, I really don't have time to blog right now. But I have such good subject material resulting from just the past two days, that I'm going to anyway.

1. My child would never disobey me when I tell her to keep her hands off of the decoration display I was setting up for a training meeting for Vacation Bible School. Consequently, she would never have knocked the entire display over, breaking a lantern, ripping the fabric and dumping the whole conglomeration of heavy sign-board, Spanish moss, fabric, lanterns, and stuffed swamp critters on the floor.

2. The same mature, potty-trained, 4-year-old, would absolutely not then five minutes later have peed all over the bathroom floor at the church because there was a piece of toilet paper floating in the toilet and she had to flush first, and she couldn't hold it long enough while it flushed. My children always just take care of their business when they have to go to the bathroom. Then never create messes in that bathroom.

3. The same child certainly could not have three catastrophes in one day. So she surely did not tell me, while in a friend's swimming pool, that she needed to go potty, and upon being urged (by the friend) to simply go around the corner and go potty in the grass, she certainly would not have proceeded to do just that without ever mentioning that the type of potty that she needed to go was substantially more than either me or the friend was thinking of. Consequently, if you had been a mouse in the corner of the yard, you would not have overheard me trying to covertly ask said friend if she would loan me the pooper scooper she uses to clean up after her dog.

4. We have to be done at this point. There is absolutely no way that this child could have not done anything else disastrous in only a short amount of time. So today, my child, my oldest daughter who is smart and certainly understands appropriate means of artistic expression, did not, COULD NOT have painted a 1.5-inch-wide, 9-inch-long, curving, bright yellow stripe on a prominently placed wall at. the. church. No, my child would never do such a thing. She certainly knows better than to paint on walls, and she would never even think of doing such a thing at the church.

This is not going to be one of the longest weeks of my life. (At least, I keep telling myself that.)